Once upon a time

Yesterday I still had a dream about him. I was stuck in that relationship for many years. Of course, I have no reason to blame him; it’s my fault if I let someone hurt me. I couldn’t give up his tender, it’s fair that’s I was hurt by his cold.

I usually ask you if I’m bothering you, not because I’m a caring person but it can happen and I don’t want in any case that it happens again. He blamed me for bothering him with negative things when he was tired, if I didn’t know, so, my innocence is also my fault.

I know that he’s right. And it’s hurt. Even that I made many efforts to have less negative emotions, to become independent, I’m still a girl with sensitive heart. It takes me several months to talk with him again, not in order to show my anger at him but to heal myself. And he blamed me again. It’s not negative things, I know his character, it’s just tiring me sometimes. For the moment, it’s OK because I learned to appreciate my strengths, but my god, it was difficult to think that you’re not good enough.

I know also that whatever he does, I still respect him for his good personality, for his kindness and he will always be my best friend.

You are still young with your own problems. I know that we’re different, sometimes I disagree with you but I think I accept it easily, just differences. Anyways I always keep my gratitude to you for your kindness, you made me laugh a lot. I really like your voice as I told you.

I still remembered the first time we talked two years ago. I felt so lonely those days, that’s why I created an account on a random chat website. I knew that’s logically stupid, I should go out and make new friends in the real life instead of trusting virtual people. As I’m not always a clear-minded person, I did it anyways. Someone even talked to me about sex, it just made my feelings worse. And you were the one who talked to me about normal things, that you wanna learn Vietnamese to surprise your girlfriend.

After a short period, loneliness was over and I didn’t signed in that website anymore. I don’t remember exactly why I stopped practicing English with you, maybe after missing the meeting once, we didn’t try to plan for another meeting anymore. Anyways, I know that I always found you a kind person. I thought that’s your girlfriend were lucky and she would be very surprised and happy when she knew you made that for her.

Time flies. I was happy to see your message when I opened my skype again. You were in Vietnam last year, I was there also but we didn’t know, it must be great if we could meet there. Even that your vietnamese didn’t really surprise your girlfriend as you said, but it surprised me a lot your level after only two years. You’ve done a great job and I’m very proud of you.

I know that I enjoyed talking to you, and you too. It’s so cute when you say you made a lie just to keep our conversation. I know that you are a sweet person and maybe not a good guy, you know girls well. But as I usually say, the problem is not my clear mind, the question is my choice. I know that I didn’t have any relationship for many years that’s my choice, I chose to not share my feelings. If someone hurts me it's also my choice, I will never blame anyone else. 

I don’t know what will be going on. As people say, what will be will be. I just wrote this post for the memory one day. “It happened like that, once upon a time there was someone who made me laugh that much and I'm grateful for that”.